EGO + RELEVANCY

Hey there, 

I was having coffee with a friend of mine the other day who had also exited a business she founded and it got me thinking about how we write our next chapters and this battle with the ideas of ego and relevancy. 

It’s something that’s on my mind a lot, but that I never know how to talk about. 

As women, I think we’re so used to being the matriarch of the household, our work environment, and yes…even our communities…that the whole idea of “fake it ‘til you make it” feels like second nature at this point. 

But that’s when I realized something pretty profound the more I started thinking about it after this coffee date. 

Because when I zoomed out, I realized that so many of the things I was doing in my 20s/30s, that I thought were “cool” or trendy or just came with the territory because everyone else was doing them…

…weren’t the things that brought me joy, gave me peace, or made me feel more connected to the people whose opinions I actually cared about (like my friends + family). A lot of what I did was to feed my ego and feel relevant…I didn’t know it at the time but it drove me more than I liked to admit.

The more I step into this new role and next chapter where I’m defining who I want to be and what I want to do, I’ve realized something I wish I knew in my 20s and my 30s. 

That at the end of the day, the only person whose opinion really matters is my own. 

And not only that, but I don’t need to keep reaching for compliments or external validation at every turn, just so I feel like I’ve earned it.  I don’t think I have it all figured out, in fact, I still battle with these themes and question why I prioritize certain things—is it to feed my ego? Is it to stay relevant? To who?

But, I’m aware of this, working on it and here to do the work!

If you’re reading this and you’re in the middle of a big life or career transition, deep in the throes of your messy middle, or just don’t know quite where to turn, I want you to know that I see you. 

I know it might feel hard to hold onto that vision you have for the future, especially if it feels like you’re standing by the crater that your life choices have created…

Until then, the best thing you can do is either strengthen or solidify your inner circle, even if you’re starting over from scratch. 

And if you don’t know where to turn until then, know that this newsletter and this corner of the internet is a soft place for YOU to land. 

Here for you,
Vanessa